My laparoscopic gastric bypass with Dr. Lahmann has been scheduled for February 7th 2017. It will take place at BMI at Silver Cross Hospital in New Lenox, IL. I attend my class on January 17th and get my lab work done the day after my birthday on Jan 25th. Looks like it’s a liquid diet for my birthday this year….and not the alcoholic kind either LOL What a phenomenal birthday gift!
There must be a thousand emotions coming over me in waves. Excitement, anxiety, anticipation, fear, sadness, happiness, relief, frustration, overload, panic…I am completely overwhelmed!!!
I sat alone in the living room tonight and felt a sense of panic come over me. 2 1/2 weeks until I start my liquid diet and 2 weeks from then until my surgery. 4 1/2 weeks until my life changes….FOREVER! I felt my stomach sink. Eyes welled with tears. Next thing I knew I had a plate of mac n cheese and 2 chicken thighs in front of me. What if I can’t do this? Lets face it, I’m fat for a reason. Diets have never been a strong suit of mine.
I really wish there were support groups similar to AA, but for weight loss surgery. A place you could go, and talk, and be around other people who feel the same way just do, so you don’t feel alone or so awkward with your emotions. Even if it were online, maybe through Skype. I did create a group on Facebook for my area but it is just getting started. We have a whopping 7 people right now.
It seems as though some people in my life don’t get the emotional connection to food and some people wanna talk me out of having the surgery all together. It’s very frustrating.
I’ve done extensive research on weight loss surgery since 2010. I’ve met with doctors and spoken with people who have had the surgery done. I’m gonna be 44 on January 24 and between my arthritis and other health issues I just know this is the route I need to go. I need to get the weight off so I can move easier and make going to the gym a more viable practice.
I know I can do this. I know this is last minute jitters. But its scary. I’ve had people come and go from my life. Money, jobs, cars, pets, anything I’ve loved. But food…food has always been there. That’s the sickness. That is what fit people…skinny people don’t get. They eat to live. They are able to pass a discounted cheesecake at the grocery store and not think twice. NOT ME! I’ll not only buy it, I will buy every last one they have! I mean c’mon people, it’s discounted cheesecake, what’s not to love, DUH! Sitting here typing this out I laugh, but I’m shaking my head because it’s true. Food, cooking, it’s a part of who I am. Will this surgery change that? Change me? It’s just so deep and some people just don’t get it. They can’t grasp it.
You know, its a good thing that nobody can see me as I do this blog…This is a pretty emotional one for me tonight. I’m on a total roller coaster ride. From the highest of highs being so excited of what’s to come, to crying in some pretty low lows doubting myself and being terrified of failure. Just a minute ago the song ‘Grandpa’ came on by The Judds and I fell apart. That was my song with my Gramps. I called him my Boompa. I always felt like he was my angel, my knight in shining armor when I was little. He was the man all others were to be measured against when I grew up. As soon as I heard the first note of the song the waterworks started. It was as if the gates were thrown open and there was no closing them now! I couldn’t stop the tears even if I tried. My poor lil dog Louie looked up at me, jumped up in my lap and tried to console me. I just sat there petting him, crying and singing…slowly coming to the realization that everything is going to be just fine.
You see, I got this. I know how to do this. I’ve been doing this for awhile already. It’s nothing new. I made up my mind a long time ago that this is what I wanted. What I needed.
2017 is gonna be my year. I’m grabbing it by the balls and squeezing. I got this shit!