Its my Blog-iversary!

 screenshot_2016-11-05-19-19-28-1Today’s WordPress notifications included a surprise *Pat On The Back* so to speak. It has been 5 years since I created this blog making it my blog-iversary! (insert party horns and confetti cannon here) 

November 5, 2011. Seems like a lifetime ago. I was in an 11 year relationship. Planning my 2nd wedding. Running a successful business on the Las Vegas strip with 2 locations, grossing 7 figures a year. I had lost 80 pounds and I was on top of the world.

I started this blog with the intentions  of documenting my weight loss and creating a space where I would be held accountable for my eating decisions. Immediately after creating this site, I received notice that my most lucrative location was having its lease pulled due to Casino construction (the Linq project). I obtained an attorney and fought as hard as I could. With several News broadcasts and mounting legal fees, I lost.

May 12, 2012 I got married, it was on our 12 year anniversary. I was floating on cloud 9. I believed things were finally looking up. Hoqever my world came violently crashing down 2 months later when I learned my husband was having an affair. I was crushed to the core. Utterly devastated.  She was an employee of ours and someone I thought was a friend. (not to mention she had the audacity to attend our wedding and my bachelorette party). I allowed myself to be a ping pong ball until October of 2013 when I finally had enough and moved home to Chicago.

Three months shy of my 41st birthday and I was living back home with my Mom. 2 failed marriages. A failed business. Lost weight, gained back. After 4 years of not smoking I had started again and blamed it on stress. For a full year I was in a catatonic state. Everything made me cry. Pictures, commercials, movies, TV, songs, holidays, EVERYTHING! I felt like I lost it all. I lost my husband, house, business, love, friends. HE was the one who fucked up. Why was I the one who had to suffer? It just wasn’t fair in my book. It has taken me these past 4 years to be able to even type this without sobbing. I’ve never carried a desire for revenge.I’ve learned to forgive. 

ok

I bring that up because when I was going through all of it, I thought this blog would be therapeutic. I believed it would help me cope. The problem was, I could never bring myself to actually type the words. I thought, if I were to put it in writing, if I actually wrote it down and published it, it would make it real. People would know. I wouldn’t be able to hideaway in the fantasy place I had created in my mind. As long as I didn’t make it public, I could stay cocooned. I liked it like that. I created a happy place. A place where I was still loved and where things were still the same. Where I could look at pictures and the people were the same, even though they had all changed.

Along the way I took small steps. I sold my wedding bands. Deleted him and his pictures from Facebook. Went back to my maiden name. Even tried dating.

What a fiasco that was. I had been separated & living in different states for almost 3 years when I was forced back into the dating pool by some friends of mine. They were thoroughly fed up with me sitting home one the weekends and crying to RomComs. I even tossed around the idea to use this blog as a ‘What happens when you have a  POF profile’. However those stories became a little too embarrassing for my own good. If I didn’t have people who actually knew me as followers I would have had no issue moving forward, but WOW, even the select few I told the stories to blushed. Ive made the decision to withdraw my profile on the couple of websites I had joined. Dating has just changed so much from when I was last single in 1999. Whatever happened to just getting an introduction for a face to face meeting from your friends cousin’s roommate?

So here we are, present day. I quit smoking back in February, joined the fitness center 2 months ago and lost 17 pounds so far. I received cortisone shots in both shoulders and knees. My flexibility and mobility has improved tremendously as a result. On November 9th I have an appointment with my bariatric surgeon to get the ball rolling. There simply are not words to express my excitement.

fb_img_1477665839789I’ve read fellow bloggers posts regarding their surgeries and its pure inspiration. I keep a notebook next to my chair along with my laptop. Whenever I see something that I want to ask my surgeon, or something that needs to be added to my preparation list, I jot it down. I want to be sure to plan ahead. Use the advice of others who have been through the process.

Looking back at everything I have been through over the past 5 years, and lifetime in general, I am more ready for this next chapter of my life than ever. Documenting my journey along the way. Life has knocked me down more times than I can count, showed me things I have never wanted to see, but one thing always remains true; weebles wobble but don’t fall down!

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