Everything that has held me back from the past 2 years has been a cloud looming over my head. It has been a handicap that I have allowed to hold me down. A built-in excuse to fail. Something to blame. Something to dwell on. Something to bitch about….and I got tired of it. (as I’m sure you did as well!  LOL) I was constantly comparing everything in my life. 2 years ago I had this…2 years ago things were this way…2 years ago…2 years ago…2 YEARS AGO!!! Guess what? IT’S NOT 2 YEAS AGO ANYMORE & IT NEVER WILL BE AGAIN! But it is today…and every minute I wasted dwelling on 2 years ago was just that, WASTED!

So yesterday I finally felt a sense of accomplishment after a 2 year rut. After feeling beat down and hopeless, I felt like a piece of the puzzle had been laid down. I took a step in the right direction. It is hard, when you have been on top of the world to fall from grace. It is hard to stand up when you feel like your knees are broken. But yesterday, I shook off the past and finally looked towards the future. YAY ME! πŸ™‚

I had been looking for a car for a few months now. This ordeal had me in a state of panic. The whole decision-making process when I know NOTHING about cars freaks me out! Let alone the mere fact of having to buy a car when 2 years ago my life was set. Currently I drive a Cadillac (which belongs to the ex and needs to go back-hence the need for my own car) and not much compares that I can afford. 10335734_10203623278760107_363374023_n

A friend tagged me in a post on a local buy/sell/trade group on Facebook for a car that was for sale. It was a 2002 Ford Taurus. I wasn’t sure if I’d like it or not. It’s definitely not a Caddy. But it was in my budget. We went to take a look: White, 4 door, grey leather interior and a moon roof. Not too shabby. It has a little rust above the tire wells. The drivers window needs work and the windshield needs replaced but the miles are decent and so is the price. So…I bought it!

This car purchase gave me back my independence. Cleared me of my past. It’s mine. I bought it myself. On my own. By myself. No ties to anyone. Not shared with anyone. No loans. Just mine…hence the name I gave it, Carmine…Car-mine β™₯

Now anything is possible! I can do this! I can make it. I can pick up the pieces off the floor and rebuild my life. I know it seems trivial, but it really isn’t. OK, so maybe it is trivial, but to me, it’s monumental. Life changing! It has changed my entire thought pattern. I no longer feel trapped. I no longer feel caged by my past. I AM FREE!


I am the Queen of my life and I can do this!

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