For the past 2 months, I have been having a struggle with emotions, eating, hope, confidence…everything. I have always coped (and by coped I mean avoided dealing with completely) by eating whatever would make me feel good. I have been giving no regard to calories, nutrition, balance, diet, health etc. I havent been exercising right and havent been keeping up with my doctor’s appointments. Why be held accountable? I rationalize it to myself and say “Its my life, my body & I’ll do what I want”.
For the past few days, I have been feeling it. Feeling bloated, defeated, kinda like a sponge would feel when it can’t soak up one more thing. I’m realizing that the food isn’t helping…I know, DUH, right?! This is big for me though. For me to Fall, binge, and pull myself up. I look at pictures from a year ago and want to be there again. I want to be back on track.
So this is me, putting myself out there – this is me being vulnerable (without chips & dip in front of me). I have to stop rationalizing food choices. I have to go back to calorie counting, if I bite it-I write it! I have to research proper food swaps and allow myself to become educated on the PROPER things to eat.
I started by ordering my Thanksgiving dinner from Sunflower Market (a local Trader Joe’s). I usually cook WAY too much food, and I usually make things out of tradition and never out of nutrition. Anyone who knows me, know how hard this is. I LOVE to cook. Cooking for friends and family to me is an expression of love. It is sharing myself with them. I take it way to seriously and too far sometimes. I actually teared up when I handed in my order form…how sick is that!
I’ll make it through the holiday and it will be wonderful. The holiday may be celebrated with food, but it’s meaning is being with the ones you love and being thankful for what you have. (did that sound convincing?)
No more skipping my pills & vitamins, no more bindging, no more drive thru’s. I will be sure to keep you updated…wish me luck!