The Holidays

The Holidays are a time of year that are packed with emotions for me. Beginning on my Moms birthday,(Oct 13th) and continuing through my birthday (Jan 24th) I go through every possible emotion.Today I am longing for the holidays of when I was a child. I can close my eyes and smell my Father’s cooking, my Mother’s baking, hear my Grandfather’s voice and Bing singing in the background. I can remember my Grandmother’s house, filled with people and joy. I remember the smell of evergreen in a can LOL and the little angel ornaments she had on her small tree that was in her front window every year. I can remember anxiously waiting for the day after Thanksgiving so my Mom would let me decorate outside. Trying to make sure the lights were even on the bushes and the big plastic red bows were secured to anything and everything I could wrap them around.

I will never forget the last holiday we were all together…1987. Nobody knew it would be our last. Nobody didn’t anything special to preserve it, everything was the same that year as it had been all the years before it. However, nothing would ever be the same again. Little did I know that it would be our last year at my Grand,a’s house. No more big family gatherings. It made her too sad. No more Daddy’s cooking, Mom didnt bake like she did in previous years. Ever out house decorations werent the same. I would still decorate outside, but some years that would be all there was. Sad to say, but a part of Christmas inside all of us died that year with my Father.

Now being an only child, I longed for those holidays. So many people. Everyone smiling, everyone getting along. At least in a child’s eyes. As an adult I have tried to hard to recreate what I had as a child, without much success. Tonight I realized that my love for Christmas may not be so much for the Holiday itself as much as a love of my memories of Christmas’ past.

They say you can Google anyone and find them…so I tried tonight with my Dad. John M Lupo. Nothing on him obviously, but seeing other people with his name made me cry. Dont know why I did it but it made me wish that it was possible to reconnect with people from the other side. Imagine a Facebook for Heaven! When we missed someone we could “poke” them so they know we were thinking of them.

I realize that I go overboard at Christmas. I buy presents and cook like a mad woman. I just want to touch people’s lives who have touched mine. I want people to know that they are cared for and appreciated. Christmas is the perfect time to do that. I have always been nieve and easy to fool. Often my good gestures are taken advantage of and I get used so I tend to refrain from overt acts of kindness to avoid being hurt. At Christmas time though, its ok to be nice. It’s ok to give. It’s ok to let others know how you feel.

So I hope that this Christmas is filled with love for you and yours. I wish you happiness and memories to look back on without regret. Take the time this Holiday to spread the joy and love. Make sure you let those know you appreciate them and care for them…you may not get another change to make it special!

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